Sports

History of Indian cricket - Before 1930s

Zee Cric The game of cricket was introduced in India in the middle of the 18th century. On 3rd March 1845 the ‘Sporting Intelligence’ magazine carried a reasonably lengthy match report between ‘Sepoy’ cricketers and the European ones. The article clearly proved that Indian cricket was underway in a city called Sylhet, in modern day Bangladesh.


Zee Cric
An impressed reporter proudly stated “the most enthusiastic European Cricketers could not have played with more energy and cheerfulness than the Sepoys did”.

However, chroniclers of cricket unanimously suggest that the formation of ‘Parsi Oriental Cricket Club’ in Bombay in the year 1848 led to the start of organized cricket by the Indians.

Parsi cricket

The first Indians to take to the game were the Parsis of Bombay, an educated, well-to-do and progressive community. In 1848, the Parsi boys established the ‘Oriental Cricket Club’.


The emerging Parsi middle class supported cricket as a means of strengthening ties with the overlords, while intellectuals welcomed it as a renewal of physical energy for the race. Around thirty Parsi clubs were formed in the within two decades of the formation of the first club. They were named for British viceroys and statesmen and for Roman gods.

Hindu cricket

The Hindu’s took up the game of cricket with the primary reason that they did not want to fall behind the Parsis in any manner. The first Hindu club ‘Bombay Union’ was formed in 1866. Hindus started playing cricket due to social and business rivalry with the Parsis. Hindu cricketers sorted themselves on the lines of caste and region of origin.

One of the primary Hindu cricketer was Ramchandra Vishnu Navlekar.
Some of the main clubs were Gowd Saraswat Cricket Club, Kshatriya Cricket Club, Gujrati Union Cricket Club, Maratha Cricket Club, Teluu Youn Cricketrs etc.
 


“There is no more agreeable sight to me,” remarked the Mayor of Bombay in 1886, “than of the whole Maidan overspread by a lot of enthusiastic Parsi and Hindu cricketers, keenly and eagerly engaged in this manly game.”

Gymkhanas

The all-white Bombay Gymkhana, which even refused admission to Ranji, was established in 1875. The Europeans invited the Parsis to paly with them for the first time in 1877. This more or less became a regular feature though it was a decade before the Parsis’ eventually managed to win. Beginning from 1886, the Hindus also began playing an annual match with the Europeans.

With the efforts of Luxmani and Tyebjee families, also famous for their social work such as establishing schools and good work at the law courts, the Muslims had also set up their own cricket club in 1883. This was known as the Muslim Cricket Club.

Cricket in India got a huge impetus by the formation of Parsi, Hindu and Muslim Gymkhanas in the 1890s. The British alloted one plot each to the three major religious communities in the city, for their exclusive use ending their conflict with the colonizers.

Ranjit Singhji
 

A notable mention in this era is the vital contribution of the Black Prince, Prince Ranjit Singhji who had moved to England to study at Cambridge University and was given a cricket “blue” in his final year by the college.

He then went on to play county cricket for Sussex. He made his Test debut for England in 1896. This made him the first Indian to play Test cricket.
Zee Cric Ranjit Singhji was Wisden Cricketer of the Year in 1897. He scored a century in the second innings on his Test debut, making his only the second batsman for England to achieve this feat. Duing the year 1899 he amassed 2,780 runs during a season which was the highest aggregate ever made!

India’s most prestigious first-class cricket tournament – Ranji Trophy was named after him in order to honour this great cricketer.

The Bombay Quadrangular
 

It started as a contest between the Parsis and the Europeans and evolved thereafter. The Hindus joined in 1886. These matches came to be called the Presidency matches due to their ever-rising popularity. In 1907 a triangular tournament was started which involved the Parsis, Europeans and the Hindus.

It was in 1912 that the Muslims joined the league of the famous Bombay tournaments turning it into a Quadrangular. Neutral umpires were introduced for the first time in 1917. Uptil now, umpires were mainly appointed from the Bombay Gymkhana. However, all this changed and umpires began to be appointed from the non-competing teams.

In the 1920’s, the quadrangular tournament gained immense popularity. Players were being selected from all over the sub-continent region. This gave a huge boost to cricket in India and led to the start of several other tournaments all over the country.
 

In the year 1937, a new team called the Rests was also added to the already four teams turning it into a Pentangular tournament. However, in 1946 due to communal disturbances this Pentangular tournament was done away with, and a zonal competition came into existence.

The Nayudus from Nagpur

The Nayudu family spent thousands on the promotion of cricket. They formed a club in Nagpur that coached many underprivelaged boys and took care of their education provided they fulfilled the only condition, that is, to play cricket.
Zee Cric Such was the family’s fascination with the sport that C K Nayudu’s birth was celebrated by his granddad by organising a cricket match.

The family’s contribution proved fruitful as C.K Nayudu, the family’s illustrious son, went on to become one of the finest batsmen that India has ever produced.

One of Nayudu’s most memorable innings was his 153 in Bombay in 1926. Coming in an hour and thirteen minutes against six English top line bowlers spoke volumes of the progress made by Indian cricket. CK Nayudu was Wisden’s Cricketer of the Year in 1933 and was also nicknamed as the ‘Hindu Bradman’.

Formation of BCCI

A.E.R Gilligan’s MCC (Marylebone Cricket Club) toured India in 1926 and took on Bombay in a match that proved to be a turning point in the history of Indian cricket. As C K Naidu smashed 153, with elevan sixes and thirteen fours, for the Hindus, India began dreaming big. It eventually led to the formation of BCCI in 1928. Records prove that the first meeting was held on 4 December 1928 and was funded by the Maharaja of Patiala.

The first President of the Board was RE Grant Govan and the founding Secretary was AS De Mello. De Mello later went on to become Board President and was also involved in the creation of the Cricket Club of India. He also helped in establishing Brabourne Stadium which was India’s first permanent cricket venue in 1937.


Cricket is undoubtedly one of the most popular sports in India and the game is being played all over the country, since its inception. The exact day, month or year of Cricket`s inception in India is still ambiguous, due to lack of proper facts. However, according to some people, the Indians started playing the game for the first time in an organised way in the year 1848. The first Indian Cricket club, named the Parsee Oriental Cricket Club, was founded in that year and they played their first match in Bombay (Mumbai). From this point, the journey of Indian cricket began.

Other experts are of the opinion that the history of Indian Cricket started its journey in the place named Sylhet (currently in Bangladesh). Proper evidence has been found to prove this from the Sporting Intelligence magazine, on 3rd March, 1845. The report was published by the editor of the Englishman newspaper and the news item was titled as "Sepoy Cricketers". The reporter made proper observation of the match played between the European cricketers and the Sepoy cricketers. Apart from this news item, another report has been found to support the fact that Cricket was first played in Sylhet in India. This report was titled as "Sepoy Cricket at Sylhet" and in this report, the reporter mentioned about the match between two regimental sides, each of which contained at least eight native cricketers.

After its initiation, Cricket started to get popularity among the Indian people within a short period of time. The middle and last half of the nineteenth century was an important period in the history of Indian Cricket, as the game spread its reach in almost all the parts of India during that period. Many teams from England started touring India by the close of the nineteenth century. There is a report published in the newspaper, The Times of India, that supports this fact and the report was about the Presidency matches between the Parsees and the Lord Hawke`s Englishmen. The match was held in Bombay in 1892. The report described how the international Cricket matches that took place in Bombay at that time, increased interest among the local people. In the Metro cities of India like Calcutta (Kolkata), Bombay (Mumbai) and Madras (Chennai), Cricket was played as a sport by the first half of the twentieth century. As the Hindus of India too started playing the game, the tournament of Bombay Presidency Matches became the Bombay Triangular in 1907-08. In 1912-13, the entry of the Muslims made it a quadrangular.

History of Indian Cricket The First Test Match was played in 1932. Though India did not have a national cricket team during the early 1900s, a few Indian great cricketers of that era did represent the England cricket team. Maharaja Ranjit Singh and Duleep Singhji were the prominent ones among them. However, the first international exposure in the history of Indian Cricket came in the year 1926. In that year, a team from the Marylebone Cricket Club (MCC), led by A.E.R Gilligan toured India. Though it was an unofficial tour, the Indian people were quite interested and enthusiastic about the matches that MCC played during the tour. The legendary Indian cricket player, C. K. Nayudu played brilliantly during that tour and he also scored a century against the MCC side in Bombay. The tour was responsible to redefine the contours of Indian cricket. It ultimately spearheaded to the formation of the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) in the year 1928. India was accredited Test status by 1932, much before it got its Independence in 1947. India played against England in that year.

After Independence, a big push came in the history of Indian Cricket, when India got its first ever Test series win against the neighbouring Asian counterpart and archrivals Pakistan, in 1952. The series saw brilliant and extraordinary performances from some of the greatest Indian Cricket players like Polly Umrigar, Vijay Manjrekar and leg spinner SM Gupte. The Indian Cricket during 1960s saw the Indian team becoming a formidable side on native soil. It was also the decade, when the Indian team started playing well in overseas. India`s great performances on home soil were evident from the fact that India defeated New Zealand and held the teams like Pakistan, England and Australia to a draw, during that period. The 1960s also saw the rising of some of the greatly talented Indian Cricket players like Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi, Dilip Sardesai, Hanumant Singh, Chandu Borde and not least of all, off-spinner EAS Prasanna.

The era of India`s spin quartet comprising Bishen Singh Bedi (left-arm spinner), Erapalli Prasanna (off-spinner), BS Chandrasekhar and Srinivas Venkataraghavan (off-spinner) during 1970s, is considered as the golden era in the history of Indian Cricket. Apart from the dominance of the spin quartet over all the batsmen of the world, 1970s also saw the rising of two of India`s greatest ever batsmen - Sunil Gavaskar and Gundappa Vishwanath. All of these great Indian Cricket players made their presence felt in the international circuit and contributed immensely in the success of Indian team. India successfully won consecutive Test series in West Indies and England in 1971 and the team was led by Ajit Wadekar, in both the series.

During the 1980s, India developed a more attack minded batting line-up with stroke makers such as Mohammed Azharuddin, Dilip Vengsarkar and all-rounder Ravi Shastri prominent during this time. India won the Cricket World Cup in 1983, defeating the, then favourites, West Indies in the final, owing to a strong bowling performance. In spite of this the team performed poorly in the Test arena, including 28 consecutive Test matches without a victory. In 1984, India won the Asia Cup and in 1985, won the World Championship of Cricket in Australia. Apart from this, India remained a very weak team outside the Indian subcontinent. India`s Test series victory in 1986 against England remained the last Test series win by India outside the subcontinent for the next 19 years. The 1987 Cricket World Cup was held in India. The 1980s saw Gavaskar and Kapil Dev (India`s best all rounder to this date) at the pinnacle of their careers. Gavaskar made a Test record 34 centuries as he became the first man to reach the 10,000 run mark. Kapil Dev later became the highest wicket taker in Test cricket with 434 wickets.

History of Indian Cricket The addition of Sachin Tendulkar and Anil Kumble to the national side in 1989 and 1990 improved the team. The following year, Javagal Srinath, India`s fastest bowler since Amar Singh, made his debut. Despite this, during the 1990s, India did not win any of its 33 Tests outside the subcontinent while it won 17 out of its 30 Tests at home. After being eliminated by neighbours Sri Lanka on native land at the 1996 Cricket World Cup, the team underwent a year of change as Rahul Dravid, Saurav Ganguly, later to be become captains of the team, made their debut in the same Test at Lord`s. Tendulkar replaced Azharuddin as captain in late 1996, but after a personal and team form slump, Tendulkar relinquished the captaincy and Azharuddin was reinstalled at the beginning of 1998. With the captaincy burden removed, Tendulkar was the world`s leading run-scorer in both Tests and ODIs, as India enjoyed a home Test series win over Australia, the best ranked team in the world. After failing to reach the semi-finals at the 1999 Cricket World Cup, Tendulkar was again made captain, and had another poor run, losing 3-0 on a tour of Australia and then 2-0 at home to South Africa. Tendulkar resigned, vowing never to captain the team again, with Saurav Ganguly appointed the new captain. The team was further damaged in 2000 when former captain Azharuddin and fellow batsman Ajay Jadeja were implicated in a match-fixing scandal and given life bans

Since 2000, the Indian team underwent major improvements with the appointment of John Wright as India`s first ever foreign coach. India maintained their unbeaten home record against Australia in Test series after defeating them in 2001. The series was famous for the Kolkata Test match, in which India became only the third team in the history of Test cricket to win a Test match after following on. Australian captain Steve Waugh labelled India as the "Final Frontier" as a result of his side`s inability to win a Test series in India. Victory in 2001 against the Australians marked the beginning of a dream run for India under their captain Saurav Ganguly, winning Test matches in Zimbabwe, Sri Lanka, West Indies and England. The England series is also known for India`s highest ODI run-chase of 325 runs at Lord`s which came in the Natwest ODI Series final against England. In the same year, India was joint winners of the ICC Champions Trophy with Sri Lanka, and then went to the 2003 Cricket World Cup in South Africa where they reached the final only to be beaten by Australia. The 2003-2004 seasons also saw India play out a Test series in Australia where they drew 1-1 with world champions, and then win a Test and ODI series in Pakistan.

At the end of the 2004 season, India suffered from lack of form and fitness from its older players. A defeat in a following home Test series against Australia was followed by an ODI home series defeat against Pakistan followed by a Test series levelled 1-1. Greg Chappell took over from John Wright as the new coach of the Indian cricket team following the series, and his methods proved to be controversial during the beginning of his tenure. The tension resulted in fallout between Chappell and Ganguly, resulting in Rahul Dravid being made captain. This triggered a revival in the team`s fortunes, following the emergence of players like Mahendra Singh Dhoni, Suresh Raina, and the coming of age of players like Irfan Pathan and Yuvraj Singh.

In December 2006, it played and won its first ever Twenty20 international in South Africa, becoming the most recent Test team to play Twenty20 cricket. After winning the Test series against England in August 2007, Rahul Dravid stepped down as the captain of the team following which Mahendra Singh Dhoni was made the captain of the Twenty20 and ODI team. In September 2007, it won the first ever Twenty20 World Cup held in South Africa, beating Pakistan by 5 runs in a thrilling final. Then they toured Australia with a controversial series that they lost 2-1 in test but come back for a whitewash final against them.

Recently, India under the coaching of Gary Kristen won the Cricket World Cup in 2011, after a long time since 1983, under the captaincy of Mahendra Singh Dhoni and Yuvraj Singh became the man of the tournament. The Indian team beat Sri Lanka by 6 wickets, in the final match which was played in Mumbai. Apparently, India became the first country to win the tournament in native soil.

Cricket, now termed as the unofficial national sport of India, has got an old history associated with its existence in the country. The oldest references to the sport in India can be dated as early as the year 1725 when some sailors played a friendly match at a seaport in Kutch. By the year 1792, the Calcutta Cricket and Football Club had been formed, and a yet another Cricket club had been formed at Seringapatam by the year 1799.

Beginning of First Class Cricket
As far as the beginning of First Class Cricket in India is concerned, it was marked by a match played between Madras and Calcutta in the year 1864. In the year 1877, the Bombay Presidency Match was played for the first time. Later, it first changed into the Bombay Triangular and then the Bombay Quadrangular. In the year 1892-93 it was awarded with the First Class status.

First foreign team arrives at India
In the year 1889-90 an English team arrived at India. The captain of this team was George Vernon, which eventually was the first foreign Cricket team to arrive India, although the matches that it played over here are not considered to be First Class Cricket matches.

In the year 1892-93 two matches had been played between Europeans team and Parsees team at Bombay (now Mumbai) and Poona (now Pune). This is considered to be the regular beginning of First Class Cricket in the country. After this, four First Class matches were played between an English team led by Lord Hawke and an All India team between 26th and 28th of January 1893.

The Bombay Presidency Saga
Bombay Presidency Matches were played since 1892-93 till 1906-07. In the year 1907-08 the name of these matches was changed to Bombay Triangular Matches, which continued till the year 1911-12. Since the year 1912-13 the Matches came to be known as Bombay Quadrangular Matches, only to be changed again in the year 1937-38 into Bombay Pentangular Matches.

Ranji Trophy
Ranji Trophy was yet another leg of First Class Matches in Indian Cricket, which began in the year 1934-35 and still continues today. The Bombay team was the winner of first two Ranji Trophy championships.

Indian Cricket team in international arena
As far as the presence of Indian team in the international Cricket arena is concerned, the team played the MCC tour since October 1926 till February 1927. Within the tour, the Indian team played 26 First Class matches in India and 4 First Class Matches in Ceylon (now Sri Lanka). Captain of the team was Arthur Gilligan, which included Andy Sandham, Arthur Dolphin, Bob Wyatt, George Geary, Ewart Astill, George Brown and Maurice Leyland as the other players.

The Indian team started playing Test Cricket in the English Season of the year 1932. The team played against the English team at Lord’s Cricket Ground. The English team defeated the Indian team in the match by 158 runs.

Continuing its presence in the International Cricket arena, Maharaj Kumar of Vizianagaram (real name Lt. Col. Sir Vijayananda Gajapathi Raju) formed his own team of accomplished Cricket players including Jack Hobbs and Herbert Sutcliffe. The team visited Ceylon and played some matches in India too during 1930-31.

The Post Independence Era
After gaining independence, India made its first ever Test Series victory against the arch rival Cricket team of Pakistan in the year 1952. The victory gave a great boost to the game in the nation, as some of the All Time Gems of the Indian Cricket showed their remarkable skills during this Test Series. These players included Vijay Manjarekar, S.M.Gupte and Polly Umrigar.

1960’s
Over the next decade of 1960’s the Indian Cricket team proved its strength upon the home ground as well as upon foreign pitches too. During this decade, the team defeated New Zealand and stretched the matches with teams such as England, Australia and Pakistan to a draw.

1970’s
During the decade of 1970’s, the Indian Cricket team got one of its most cherished possessions of all times – The Spin Quartet comprising of E.Prasanna, B.S.Chandrasekhar, Srinivas Venkataraghavan and Bishan Singh Bedi. Apart from them, the Indian Cricket team also got two of its most gifted Batsmen of all times during the decade of 1970’s itself – Sunil Gavaskar and Gundappa Vishwanath.

1980’s
The decade of 1980’s saw the Indian Cricket team scaling new heights in the One Day International (ODI) Cricket, and under the captainship of Kapil Dev, the team even managed to grab the 1983 Cricket World Cup. A number of accomplished players such as Kapil Dev, Madan Lal and Mahinder Amarnath made their presence felt during the decade.

1990’s
If there has to be taken one name for whom the 1990’s decade of Indian Cricket shall always be remembered, it would surely be none other than the same of Sachin Tendulkar. Still playing for team India and considered to be one of the All Time Greatests of the World Cricket, Sachin simply outclassed every other Batsman’s record, and the saga still lingers on. Apart from Sachin, some other wonderful Cricket players such as Rahul Dravid, Anil Kumble, Sourav Ganguly and Javagal Srinath emerged in the Indian Cricket team in the decade of 1990’s, and paid their contribution in getting the Indian team clinching several international championships during the period.

2000’s
The Cricket team of India continued to show its brilliant performance in the new millennium, and the new youthful squad has seen some new faces and remarkable victories. The new talented players who joined the team include Mahendra Singh Dhoni, the new captain of the Indian Cricket team both in Test Cricket and One Day International (ODI) Cricket, S.Sreesanth, Munaf Patel, Suresh Raina, Gautam Gambhir, Irfan Pathan and Yousuf Pathan among others. Under the enthusiastic captainship of Dhoni, the new young team successfully won the first Twenty-20 Cricket World Cup held in the year 2007.

Vijay

Tamil actor Vijay biography actor biodata best movies list



Biography / Biodata

Name
Vijay
Nick Name
Ilayathalapathy
Birth name
Joseph Vijay Chandrasekhar
Date of Birth June 22, 1974
Birth Place
Chennai, Tamil Nadu, India
Nationality
Indian
Eye colour
Brown
Father
S.A. Chandrasekhar
Mother
Shoba Chandrasekhar
Sister
Vidhya
Spouse
Sangeetha Joseph Vijay [25, Aug1999]
Children
Jason Sanjay, Divya Saasha
College Days
Loyola College, Chennai
Profession
Actor
First movie Naalaya Theerpu [1992]

Hot facts in Vijay Biography

 

# Tamil actor Vijay is a great fan of Super star Rajinikanth. He says that none can replace his place in cinema.
# While shooting for “Pokiri” he undergone a minor operation due to irritation and swelling in his eyes. Suddenly he was hospitalised and operated. He recovered after couple of weeks of rest.
# One of his fan committed suicide as he couldn’t get ticket for the fist day show of blockbuster “Thiruppachi”.Vijay went to his house and consoled his parents. Later he requested his fans to refrain from such activities.
# The actor on his birthday presented free books and notebooks for 50 thousand poor students. On his birthday he prefers social service to celebrations in star hotels.
# He entered the Tamil film industry as a child artist.
# The actor made his tamil film debut with “Naalaya Theerpu” in 1992 which was flop.
# He came to limelight after his first blockbuster “Poove Unakkaga” in 1996.
# The tamil actor won the title of ” Ilayathalapathy ” from his affectionate fans. “Ilayathalapathy” literally means “Young General”. The same title is used in his films.
# It was reported that he is planning to start a Charitable Trust in his sister’s name. Through that he is planning to help poor children in continuing their studies.
# Dr. MGR University awarded “Honorary Doctorate” for the Tamil actor Vijay, recognising his contribution for the film industry.
# His father, S. A. Chandrasekar is a popular film director.
# His mother Shobha Chandrasekar is an accomplished playback singer.
# His sister “Vidhya” died when she was just two years.
# He married Sangeetha on 25th August 1999.
# The actor won Tamil Nadu state’s Best Actor award for “Kadhalukku Mariyadhai” in 1997.
# He also won Tamil Nadu state’s “Kalaimamani award” in 1998.

Tamil actor Vijay quotes


# “I really havent achieved anything like Rajanikanth or Kamal Haasan and was embarrassed by the superstar status.”
# “I would just start off the charity drive and push off. It was when I read an item about a school topper struggling to raise money, that I traced her and told her that I would sponsor her studies further. The joy in her and her mother was what set me thinking about doing charity.”
# “Artistes like me are in the limelight due to the support from public. What we earn is what they pay for the film tickets. Well, I help some of them in times of their need.”
# “You see, it is always difficult to perform as a hero with a humorous garb. It is really difficult to make the audience laugh heartily”.
# “I’m acting only with the hope that all my films should become great hits! A film’s success or failure isn’t in our hand!”.

Vijay best tamil movie list / Hits

  • Poove Unakkaga [ Vijay , Sangeetha ]
  • Love Today [ Vijay , Suvalakshmi , Raghuvaran , Manthra , Karan ]
  • Kadhalukku Mariyadhai [ Vijay, Shalini ]
  • Ninaithen Vandhai [ Vijay , Rambha , Devayani , Charlie , Manivannan ]
  • Nilaave Vaa [ Vijay, Suvalakshmi ]
  • Thulladha Manamum Thullum [ Vijay , Simran , Dhamu , Manivannan ]
  • Kannukkul Nilavu [ Vijay, Shalini ]
  • Kushi [ Vijay , Jyothika , Vivek , Nizhalgal Ravi ]
  • Priyamanavale [ Vijay , Simran ]
  • Friends [ Surya Sivakumar , Vijay , Ramesh Khanna , Devayani , Abhinyashree , Vadivelu ]
  • Badri [ Vijay , Bhumika Chawla , Monal , Dhamu , Vivek ]
  • Thamizhan [ Vijay , Priyanka Chopra , Revathi , Vivek , Nassar ]
  • Thirumalai [ Vijay , Jyothika , Vivek , Raghuvaran , Kausalya ]
  • Ghilli [ Vijay , Trisha Krishnan , Prakash Raj , Ashish Vidyarthi , Dhamu , Nagendra Prasad ]
  • Madhurey [ Vijay , Rakshitha , Sonia Agarwal , Tejashree , Vadivelu ]
  • Thirupaachi [ Vijay , Trisha Krishnan , Mallika , Chaya Singh , Benjamin , Pasupathy , Srinivasa Rao ]
  • Sachein [ Vijay , Genelia D'Souza , Bipasha Basu , Linda Arsenio , Vadivelu , Santhanam , Raghuvaran ]
  • Sivakasi [ Vijay , Asin , Prakash Raj , Ganja Karuppu , Chitti Babu , Lakshana , Geeta , Vaiyapuri , Sai, Nayanthara ]
  • Pokkiri [ Vijay , Asin , Prakash Raj , Napolean , Nassar , Vadivelu , Mumaith Khan ]
  • Azhagiya Tamil Magan [ Vijay, Shriya, Namitha]
  • Vettaikkaaran [ Vijay, Anushka Shetty, Srihari]

Class Takes on Mass in Chennai



Read more at: http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/chennai-kollywood-suriya-vijay-7aum-arivu-and-velayudham/1/158651.html
 One film is from the dream team that brought us Ghajini-director A.R Murugadoss, music director Harris Jayaraj and Kollywood's chocolate boy Suriya. The other comes from little-known director M. Raja, with music by Vijay Antony known for his Tamil koothu dance numbers like Naaka Mukka, with the biggest koothu dancer of them all-Vijay.

This Diwali saw a clash between Suriya's 7aum Arivu, produced by Udhayanidhi Stalin for Rs.85 crore, and Vijay's Velayudham, produced by Aascar Ravichandran for a comparatively lower Rs.45 crore. While Suriya, 36, is still riding high on the success of his last film Singam, Vijay, 37, with six flops behind him since 2007, desperately needs a hit. Fans of both stars congregated around the state to add to the hype around the films. "We had 300 kg of flowers brought in from Bangalore worth Rs.25,000 to garland a 50 foot cutout of our hero at Albert theatre in Egmore (in Chennai)," says R. Veeramani, secretary of the All India Suriya Fan Club with 1 lakh members. Not to be outdone, Vijay's fans poured numerous litres of milk on a large cutout of the star at Ega theatre in Chetpet and Udhayam theatre in Ashok Nagar areas of Chennai. "We also conducted a pooja and burst crackers at three major theatres in the city," adds R. Raviraja, Secretary of the All India Vijay Fan Club with 45,000 members.


Apart from the fact that they were released together, the films don't have much in common-7aum Arivu revolves around Suriya in a double role of a king and his descendant who have to stop a biochemical war with China while Velayudham is about a milkman who gets entangled in a terrorist plot.
A few days after Diwali, it was finally time to reveal who had come out on top. As it turns out, the audience just wanted to have fun. "I went for Suriya's film and had to force myself to sit through it. Many people walked out," says Siddarth Rao, who works in a manufacturing company. He says that he liked Velayudham because it gave the audience what it wanted. "People wanted a typical Vijay film with fights, comedy and dancing and that's exactly what they got." Film critics too panned Suriya's film, saying that the numerous subplots left the viewer baffled.

But while 7aum Arivu has been dissed by viewers and critics alike, it leads at the box office with Rs.25 crore in five days. Industry experts say this success won't last long. "The movie will probably recover its money, but considering it was made for a bigger budget and dubbed in different languages, the collections are disappointing," says Anirudh Krishna, who tracks the Tamil film industry. He adds that Vijay's film, which has made Rs.19 crore so far, is a far bigger success given its budget. "Velayudham, on the other hand, is being called a mass entertainer and more people will want to watch this film...it will probably become the superhit of the season," he says.
d more at: http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/chennai-kollywood-suriya-vijay-7aum-arivu-and-velayudham/1/158651.html

 

Vijay had a star value from the moment of his birth because he was born to one of the most famous film producer and movie director of the Tamil film industry, Chandrasekhar. He's heralded as Ilaya Thalapathi that means Younger General. He is one of the greatest romantic comedians of Southern India as the majority of his romantic movies are profitable. While his very first movie Naalaya Theerpu turned out to be a failure not a soul imagined he would drive a tough road to achieve over fifty movies in the career in a short time frame. The topics of his films focus on ladies and youngsters and also are some of the best performers in the industry. 

He's compared with Super Star Rajinikanth, however he didn't prefer that comparison and has expressed his view that nobody can substitute Rajinikanth in cinema. He boasts a lot of crazy followers that one of them committed suicide as he could not get ticket for the very first show of one of his blockbusters. He's in addition involving himself in charity works. Once he read through news regarding a topper of a school having difficulties to raise money to continue her education, he traced her and encouraged her that he would certainly fund her studies. The pleasure that he noticed in the eyes of the student and her mother and father made him consider regarding charity in this particular line. 

Since then he's donating notebooks and books free of charge for 50 thousand poor students on his every birthday. When he has given many lucrative films as Kushi, Piriyamanavale, Ghilli, Badri and Sivakasi, a lot of of his movies were failures such as Azhagiya Tamil Magan, Kuruvi, Sura and Villu. This second most expensive hero in Tamil movie industry has been said to obtain a payment of about nine crore rupees for a single movie. The recent flops in 2009-2011 state that he's the costliest flop hero also. The same as well as predictable nature of the script in film after film is the reason for his downfalls. While the people anticipate seeing a change in movies and desire to have a distinctive story with difference in performing style, he failed to capture their mind voice and was offering the same kind of romantic hero subject with the similar style of acting that resulted in the failure of his films in sequence. Another South Indian film star Ajith is regarded as being his rival. There were recurrent abrasions between these 2 best stars. The dialogues taunting one another were spilled over in their movies and the angered fans of these 2 stars were firing one another with their words. 

There were additionally severe attacks among the fans leading to the recession of this actor. When the fans of these 2 well-known stars had been hitting each other, Vijay and Ajith were embracing one another in the launch function of the movie Tirupathi and certainly they have always been the good friends. Other than acting in films Vijay is additionally an accomplished sportsman that he's good at several sports like basketball, football, cricket and also volley ball. The smiling face in the Vijay photos and Vijay videos has made them popular amongst mass, the sweat of dedication is precisely what is powering his smile. Suhaina Mazhar is a freelance content writer and blogger and has written thousands of unique articles. Just click here to uncover fascinating information regarding Vijay and watch Vijay photos and Vijay videos.


Sura  Movie Review
The much anticipated Ilaya Thalapathi starrer Sura hit the marquee today. With Sura being his 50th film, movie buffs and Vijay fans were looking forward for something different from their star. However, there is no variety in the film and it happens to be a usual Vijay fare. The script seems to be a combination from his earlier ventures. Of course, the actor does not disappoint his hard core fans, as Sura has all the elements that will satiate them. Sura is about the lives and plight of the fishermen living in Yazh Nagar, a fishing hamlet in Tamil Nadu. The story, no doubt centers only on Vijay, who is known as Sura. It is Vijay’s attempt to thwart the efforts of villain Dev Gill (who played the villain in the popular Telugu film Magadheera) from acquiring the hamlet to develop it into a resort. 

In chips the hero, fights for justice and dramatically obtains patta for the land so that everyone living there could build a house. However the duel between the hero and villain could have been more gripping. Sura The role of the heroine in this film leaves a lot of room for debate – is it really essential to have one in Sura? Tamannah appears in some dance sequences, a few scenes and in all adorns the movie as a glamour piece. This is perhaps the first film, where Tamannah marries on screen! Yes, Sura ends on a happy note with the lead pair entering wed lock. Talking about the heroine, her introduction itself is very amusing. Tamannah attempts suicide by drowning in the sea, for the simple reason that the pet dog goes missing. Of course, the hero makes his dramatic appearance to save her. Somewhere in the middle love blossoms and then follows a couple of duets. 

While talking about the hero Vijay’s introduction it is even more amusing than the heroine’s and needs a special mention here. The movie begins with a cyclone hitting the fishing hamlet and all the fishermen moving back to the shores for safety. Vijay, of course is missing and everyone is in search of him. Being the hero, he saves one and all before making a very dramatic appearance from mid-sea. The fights in Sura could have been choreographed well, considering Vijay’s performance levels in other films. Though there are some gravity-defying stunts, the fight seems to lack the punch and force that one usually associates with a performer like the Ilaya Thalapathy. For an excellent dancer, this film offers very little scope for exhibiting his dancing skills too. 

The Bommayi – Choo Mandra Kali song happens to be that ‘once more’ type of song, while all others except En Peru Saravedi does not turn up the heat. Vadivelu’s mere presence is enjoyable and there is nothing much to say about the comedy track. The scene where Vennira Aadai Murthy renders the popular song Marudamalai Maamuniye in a concert and Vadivelu gestures not to exert too much but thinking that Vadivelu is coercing him to sing even more forcefully, Vennira Aadai Murthy sings with full gusto, had the audience in splits of laughter. 

There are umpteen numbers of irrational scenes in the film that has even the Vijay fans squirm in their seats with dissatisfaction. The classic example is when the actor lights up the stove with the flip of his fingers. Vijay has made sure to draw the attention of the Tamil audience by addressing the sensitive Sri Lankan Tamils issue and the Rameswaram fishermen’s plight. These scenes were probably included to pacify the Tamils. The negative aspects of Sura are no doubt the music, illogical, if not slow screenplay, gravity defying stunts, slow moving scenes.
Will Vijay sign Hindi version of Thuppaki ?

 A.R.Murugadoss and Vijay have completed the talkie portions of their upcoming magnum opus Thuppakki , the team is left behind with songs that is yet to shot on Vijay and Kajal Agarwal. A.R.Murugadoss will be starting the Hindi version of the movie with Akshay Kumar in the lead once the Tamil version hits the screen. But the grape wine is that the ace director has requested Vijay to do a cameo role in the Hindi version of Thuppaki . This comes as no surprise , since the actor has a huge fan following in North India as well not just that,Vijay's cameo in Akshay Kumar's previous flick Rowdy Rathore was appreciated and well received by the audience as well.It seems that Vijay will accept for the bond he shares with the Bollywood share and his gratitude for this ace director.Way to Vijay , Hope to see you in a full fledged Bollywood venture soon.

Online Games

Risky Rider 






Description:

Guide this Risky Rider over this epic jumps and perform tricks to gain bike points to upgrade your ride

Instructions:

Left/Right Arrows - Lean
Up Arrow - Accelerate
Down Arrow - Brake
1/2/3/4/5 - Tricks


Risk it With Risky Rider

Are you a risk taker? Do you enjoy games that literally keep you at the edge of your seat as you try to dodge different obstacles? Are you thrilled by the risk of running away from dangerous obstacles at high speed just to save your life?

Risky rider is a game designed to be played by those who find thrill in pulling neck breaking stunts. In this game the player uses the keyboard to navigate a bicycle on the screen doing several dangerous stunts. The more the stunts one pulls the longer the player stays alive. Staying alive for long enables a player earns more points.

All you need to do in this game is pull stunts that will enable you survive for long. Players must also remember to buy power so as to increase their longevity in the game. Power for this game is bought during the turning stage. Buying power enables one to advance to the next level.

The controls for this game are simple. Unlike other games where keys used to control it are far apart, here the keyboard keys used are adjacent to each other making this game easy and simple to play. The keys z, x, c, v and the space bar are the controls here. These enable the player to pull several stunts that ensure his survival in the game. The more the stunts one performs the more the points he or she gets. The stunts involve jumping over several obstacles. The player can also use the up and down arrows to speed or brake. The left and right arrows enable the player to lean either to the left or right as he or she may wish.

A player aims to show how good a sports person he or she can be by jumping over various obstacles. While enjoying the game, the player must remember to always ensure that the bicycle is in top notch condition. The bicycles must be checked regularly at the beginning of each level to make sure they are ready to take the challenges of the new level.

The many levels keep one literally glued to their screen as they strive to earn as many points as possible so as to advance to the next level. This game can be played in the office during breaks or at home as you relax. The game's sound system helps to add to the thrill in the game. The game also has clear graphics to help that makes cruising through the various terrains a fast and thrilling experience.

When I started cycling in London eight years ago I felt I was virtually the only one, battling for space with taxis and buses. It was a fight with few allies. Today, things are very different – I'm one of the pack surging away at the traffic lights. Official figures show more miles were travelled by bike in 2008 than for each year since 1992. Cycling has almost doubled on London's main roads in nine years and increased by 30-50% in cities such as Bristol, Leicester and Leeds.

But it's really remarkable that despite the increase in cycling, casualties suffered by cyclists are still down by around a third. To anyone who doesn't cycle this might seem a bit odd. Shouldn't more cyclists mean more crashes and injuries? As those who cycle will know, however, the more cyclists there are the safer it will be for everyone.

CTC (the UK's national cycling organisation) found that the same phenomenon occurs if you examine different areas within the UK. Cambridge, where a quarter of people cycle to work, or York where it is about one in eight, have a much lower risk of injury for cyclists than places where you hardly ever see a cyclist on the streets.

Why does this "safety in numbers" effect occur? The vast majority of cyclist injuries result from crashes with motor vehicles, and most of these appear to be primarily because the driver "looked but did not see". Cyclists (and motorcyclists) have even given this type of crash a name – Smidsy, an acronym for the drivers' refrain, "Sorry, mate, I didn't see you!"

These type of crashes start to decrease as cycling levels rise.

Take the hypothetical case of Bob the Driver, who last rode a bike when he was still in school uniform. Bob drives up to a junction with a major road, glances right and, not seeing anything car-shaped, pulls out into the path of the "unseen" cyclist. Crash and injury result. If, as Bob approached the junction, there was a stream of cyclists crossing in front of him, he probably won't make the same mistake.

As more people cycle, one of the new cyclists may be one of Bob's relatives or friends, or even Bob himself. When riding a bike he is less likely to pose a risk to others than when he is driving – and more likely to understand cyclists' needs.

Even though cycling gets less risky at the same time as more people taking up cycling, there may come a point where the overall number of injuries to cyclists actually increases. There are far more people killed cycling in the Netherlands than in the UK, for example, even though the population is smaller. But the Dutch cycle ten times further than here, and the risk per mile is substantially lower. After years of badgering, the government has finally agreed to present casualty data as risk per mile rather than numbers of injuries and deaths.

At a population level, of course, not-cycling is far more dangerous than cycling. The life expectancy of non-cyclists tends to be two years shorter, with 39% higher all-cause mortality than cyclists. But most people still associate cycling with danger. This is partly because this seems to be the main message of government and local authority advertising.

I'm often told I'm brave to ride a bike but few people consider it brave to get out into the garden and do a bit of weeding. Yet in reality this is a more dangerous activity than getting on two wheels. An hour spent gardening is more likely to result in injury than the same time spent cycling. So remember, next time you step outside to clip the hedge, beware of the risks you are running!

A tiny proportion of accidents involving cyclists are caused by riders jumping red lights or stop signs, or failing to wear high-visibility clothing and use lights, a government-commissioned study has discovered.

The findings appear to contradict a spate of recent reports speculating that risky behaviour by riders, such as listening to music players while cycling, could be behind a near 20% rise in cyclist deaths and serious injuries in the second quarter of this year.

The study, carried out for the Department for Transport, found that in 2% of cases where cyclists were seriously injured in collisions with other road users police said that the rider disobeying a stop sign or traffic light was a likely contributing factor. Wearing dark clothing at night was seen as a potential cause in about 2.5% of cases, and failure to use lights was mentioned 2% of the time.

The figures were slightly higher when the cyclist was killed, but in such cases only the driver's account is available.

The data, which was analysed by the Transport Research Laboratory (TRL), showed that more than a quarter of all cycling deaths in 2005-07 happened when a vehicle ran into the rear of a bike. This rose to more than one-third in rural areas and to 40% in collisions that took place away from junctions.

The 64-page analysis found that police attributed responsibility for collisions more or less evenly between drivers and cyclists overall, but this was skewed by the fact that when child riders were involved their behaviour was named as a primary factor more than three-quarters of the time.

With adult cyclists, police found the driver solely responsible in about 60%-75% of all cases, and riders solely at fault 17%-25% of the time.

The cyclists' lobby group CTC said the report showed that the government needed to focus more on driver behaviour rather than on issues such as cyclists wearing helmets. The TRL published a separate DfT-commissioned report today in which it was estimated that the universal use of helmets could save between 10 and 15 lives a year, a conclusion disputed by the CTC.

"The main cause of crashes seems to be 'failed to look properly', whereas very few cyclists are injured or killed acting illegally, such as failing to use lights at night or disobeying traffic signals," said Chris Peck, from the lobby group.

"We believe this report strongly supports our view that the biggest problem for cyclists is bad driving. With that in mind we are greatly concerned that the government still seems fascinated with analysing and promoting cycle helmets, the value of which appears to be inconclusive. We believe that the government should now focus on tackling the causes of injury which appears to be mainly inconsiderate and dangerous driving. Reduced speed limits, stronger traffic law enforcement and cycle-friendly road design are the solutions."

TRL recommended that more research be carried out into the relatively high numbers of young casualties, finding that those aged 10 to 15 were most at risk of injury for each mile cycled. Riders aged 16 to 29 were more likely to suffer harm than any other adult group.

The data – which covered incidents on the highways – showed that 3% of all collisions leading to deaths or serious injuries took place on bike lanes, and almost 80% of casualties happened during daylight hours. Just over 15% of all such accidents involved the cyclist alone.

It's a pleasure for Copenhagenize to publish an article by one of Denmark's great thinkers regarding bicycle culture. Thomas Krag has a Masters degree in Chemistry but for many years he has been closely involved with Danish and international bicycle culture. He was the head of the Danish Cyclists' Federation [DCF] from 1986-2000 and he now runs his own consultancy Thomas Krag Mobility Advice.

Thomas' Cycling, Safety and Health article discusses risk perception and how we (often wrongly) measure risk and goes on to highlight how safe cycling is as well as showing the health benefits of having high numbers of bicycle users/Citizen Cyclists in a city or country.

Thomas' work has been a great inspiration to me over the past four years. He has been a bit off the bicycle radar for a time, but his rationality and academic approach is much needed in Denmark and internationally.

Thomas Krag has tremendous knowledge and experience in all aspects of bicycle culture and statistics. We've been planning on publishing this article of his about Cycling, safety and health for a while and today we got it done. It's long but worth the read. The .pdf of this article is available from the European Cyclists' Federation's website right here.


Here comes the blog version. Click on the graphs for larger versions.

Cycling, Safety & Health
by Thomas Krag

Introduction
Cycling is free of pollution and healthy for the user. The bicycle is probably the most sustainable transport means yet invented. Moreover, cycling has a significant potential to replace car use in cities, where many car trips are short. Based on elementary risk figures, however, cycling seems to be unsafe as compared to driving, which is widely used as an argument against bicycle promotion.

It can however be questioned which risk measures are relevant to use. Areas with high levels of cycling seem to be safer for cyclists, as well as other road users, than areas dominated by cars. Statistical evidence, moreover, suggests that a non car-based lifestyle with lots of cycling can be associated with a smaller risk of getting killed in traffic than a car-based lifestyle. On top of this positive health benefits from cycling far outweigh the negative health effects from cycling accidents.

The matters are discussed in more detail below. It is concluded, that cycle promotion is fully defendable from an ethical point of view, while it is more disputable to discuss traffic safety in isolation from other health effects of the traffic system.

A few words on terminology
Cyclists are often described as "soft", "weak" or "vulnerable" road users. Seen as individuals, regular bicycle users are however usually tougher than those who do not benefit from regular physical exercise. The term "unprotected road users" therefore gives a better description of the fact that cyclists are subject to severe injuries in crashes.

Care should also be taken when using the term "cyclist". In the following article, the term is used solely for a traffic user, who is riding a bicycle in a given moment. Those who sometimes or often cycle, are called bicycle users.

Risk
The injury risk is often calculated and used in connection with engineering considerations. Generally, the risk is calculated as the number of undesired incidents (accidents, injuries, injured persons, deaths) divided by a measure for the amount of transport involved (kilometres, trips, time).

This opens for calculating a lot of different figures, and a good degree of care should be taken in which of them to be used in which connection. Usually the number of injured, severely injured or killed persons is used for risk calculations. This is preferable for using the number of accidents, as each accident can involve one ore several persons. One person can, on the other hand, be hit by one or more injuries in one and the same accident, and for this reason the number of injured persons is usually a more relevant figure than the number of injuries.

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Some Things You Just Can't Explain A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?" The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain." "So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer. "Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket." "Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad." "Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied. "So what happened then?" the man asked. The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left." "And then?" "Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket." The man laughed and said, "Again?" The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain." "So, what did you do then?" the man asked. "I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right." "And then?" "Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail." "Hmmm," the man said and nodded his head. "Some things you just can't explain," the farmer said. "So, what did you do?" the man asked. "Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in ... Some things you just can't explain." 

*** To Absent Brothers An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender says to him, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.' The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together. 'The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.' The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. 'Oh, no, ' he says, 'Everyone is fine. I've just quit drinking! 

*** Drink 'Till She's Cute A man stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard days work to relax. He noticed a man next to him ordered a shot and a beer. The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket. This continued several times before the man's curiosity got the best of him. He leaned over to the guy and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual, why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot & beer"? The man replied, "There's a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts lookin' good, I'm headin' home"! *** 

A man, an ostrich, and a cat A man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat and sits at the bar. The bartender walks over to them and says, "What can I get for you?" The man says "I'll have a beer", the ostrich says, "I'll have a beer", and the cat says, "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." So the bartender says, "OK, that will be $3.87." The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him. About an hour later the bartender goes back over to them and says, "What'll you guys have?" The man says, "I'll have a beer", the ostrich says, "I'll have a beer", and the cat says "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." The bartender gets them their beer and says "That'll be $3.87." The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him. A couple of days later they come back into the bar and the bartender walks over and asks "What do you guys want today?" The man says, "I'll have a scotch", the ostrich says, "I'll have a bourbon", and the cat says, "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." So the bartender says "OK, that will be $7.53." The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him. The bartender's curiosity got the best of him and he asks, "Why is it that every time I tell you the amount you owe you always have the exact change in you pocket?" The man said, "I found a bottle with a genie in it and she granted me 3 wishes. My first wish was that I always have the exact change in my pocket for anything I buy." The bartender says, "That's a great wish...better than asking for a million dollars. A million dollars will run out but that never will. What were your other 2 wishes?" The man says, "That's where I screwed up. I asked for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy." *** Mixed Drink A girl goes into a bar. She says, "Bartender, give me a triple Jack Daniel's." He gives her a triple Jack Daniel's, and she belts it down. She has five more in a row, belts them all down, passes out dead drunk, and everybody in the bar fucks her. The next night, she walks into the bar, and says, "Bartender, give me a triple Jack Daniel's." He gives her a triple Jack Daniel's, and she belts it down. She has five more in a row, belts them all down, passes out dead drunk, and everybody in the bar fucks her again. The next night, she walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a triple Tequila." He says, "I thought you drank Jack Daniel's." She says, "Not any more. Jack Daniel's makes my pussy sore." *** Monkey A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks. "No, what?" replies the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. " He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first..." *** 

Getting Out of A Ticket A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go." The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back." "Have a nice weekend," said the officer. *** 

Smart-Ass Cop Two guys are driving through Alabama when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, "Why'd you do that?" The trooper says, "You're in Alabama, son. When I pull you over you'll have your license ready." Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here." The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick. The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?" The cop says, "Just making your wishes come true." The passenger says, "Huh?" The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say, ''I wish that jerk would've tried that shit with me."

 *** Heavenly Justice Once, there was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he would be on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture-perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds were in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing." God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup 250 yards away. A picture-perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God andsaid, "I 


beg your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him." God smiled. "Think about it-who can he tell?" *** Golf Ball Two Golfers were approaching the first tee. The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend - "Hey, why don't you try this ball." He draws a green golf ball out of his bag. "Use this one - You can't lose it!" His friend replies, "What do you mean you can't lose it?!!" The first man replies, "I'm serious, you can't lose it. If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it." Obviously, his friend doesn't believe him, but he shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced. The friend says, "Wow! That's incredible! Where did you get that ball?" The man replies, "I found it." *** 

College Letters A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "M" on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?" *** Autopsy An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. "There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear." Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. "Now you must do the same," he told the class. After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed. "Second," the professor continued, "you must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this man's anus, but licked my index finger?" *** Skin Graft A married couple were in a terrible accident in which the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too thin. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honour their secret. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, ''Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you.'' "My darling,'' he replied, ''Think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.'' *** 

Mental Patient John and David were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day, while they were walking, they passed the hospital swimming pool and John suddenly dove into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. David promptly jumped in and saved him, swimming to the bottom of the pool and pulling John out. The medical director came to know of David's heroic act. He immediately ordered that David be discharged from the hospital as he now considered him to be OK. The doctor said, "David, we have good news and bad news for you! The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your sanity. Since you were able to jump in and save another patient, you must be mentally stable. The bad news is that the patient that you saved hung himself in the bathroom and died after all." David replied, "Doctor, John didn't hang himself. I hung him there to dry." ***

 New Career A gynecologist had a burning desire to change careers and become a mechanic. So she found out from her local tech college what was involved, signed up for evening classes and attended diligently, learning all she could. When time for the practical exam approached, she prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, she was surprised to find that she had obtained a mark of 150%. Fearing an error, she called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting." The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark. I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it THROUGH the exhaust..." ***


 Smart Irishman An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Murphy in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you... you have cancer and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month." Murphy, shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There he saw his son who had been waiting. Murphy said, "Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints." After three or four pints the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Murphy's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Murphy told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad... he went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave Murphy their condolences and they had a couple more beers. After his friends left, Murphy's son leaned over and whispered, "Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer. You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!" Murphy said,"I am dying from cancer, son, I just don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone." ***

 The Fast Surgeon Sam and John were out cutting wood when John cut his arm off. Sam remained calm, wrapped the arm in a plastic bag, and took the arm and John to a surgeon. "You are in luck," said the surgeon. "I am an expert in re-attaching limbs. Come back in four hours when I have completed the operation." So Sam returned in four hours and the surgeon said, "I did it faster than I expected. Jon is down at the pub." Sam rushed down to the pub and was amazed to see John playing darts. A few weeks later, Sam and John were cutting wood again when John accidentally cut off his leg. Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John back to the same surgeon. "Legs are harder," said the surgeon, "but I'll see what I can do - come back in six hours." Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said, "I finished early - John's playing football." Sam went to the field and to his surprise found John kicking 50 meter torpedoes. A few weeks later, Sam and John were cutting wood again, when John accidentally cut off his own head. Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of John to the surgeon, confident that the skilful surgeon would do the job. "Gee, heads are really difficult to re-attach," the surgeon muttered, "but I'll see what I can do - come back in 12 hours." Sam returned in 12 hours. "How did it go, Doc?" he asked. "I'm sorry. John died," the surgeon replied. "He suffocated in the plastic bag, you idiot!!" *** 

Charlies Wife In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, "Charlie, what are you doing?" Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Charlies room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well Charlie, how are you doing?" Charlies says, "I just got into Chicago." "Great," replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously masturbating. Shocked, she asks, "Bob, what are you doing?" Bob says, "I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!" ***

 Shredder The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused. "Need some help?" a secretary asked. "Yes," he replied. "How does this thing work?" "Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder. "Thanks, but where do the copies come out?" *** 

The Sack An office manager had money problems and had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill... He thought he'd fire the employee who came late to work. The next morning, both employees came to work very early. So the manager thought he would fire the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break. Then the manager decided to see who took the longest lunch break - strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk. Then the manager thought he'd wait to see who would leave work the earliest, but both employees stayed after closing. Jill finally went to the coat rack and the manager went up to her and said, "Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off." Jill said, "Well, you'd better jack off, because I'm late for my bus." *** 

Blond Cops A Policeman was drilling 3 blondes, who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the 1st blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first blonde answers " That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye" The policeman says "Well...Uh.. that's because the picture shows his profile" Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asked her "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says "Ha! He'd be easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and ear are showing because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?" Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He adds quickly "....think hard before giving a stupid answer" The Blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says "HMMMM... the suspect is wearing contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless, because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that is a good answer.. wait here for a few minutes while I check his file, and I'll get back to you on that" He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "WoW! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contacts lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?" "That's easy" the blonde replied. "He can't wear glasses because he only has one eye and one ear!" *** 

 Home Early A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten bastard," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked, scaring the kids!" ***

 Flying First Class On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving." Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so." Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. The pilot replied, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York." *** 

 News Stand A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!" Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. What he saw was yesterday's paper. The man said, "Hey, this is an old paper, where's the story about the big swindle?" The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, "Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!" *** 

Indian Names This Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. "Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?" She told him, "because he was conceived during a mighty storm." Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?" She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her." "And why is my other sister called Moonchild?" The mother said, "We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived." Mother Indian paused and asked her son, "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?" *** 

 Walking the Dog A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat." "What does that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he is in the garage." The little girl went to the garage and asked, "Dad, may I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Susie was in heat, and to come talk to you." Dad said, "Bring Susie over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear-end with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block." The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on the leash. Dad asked, "Where is Susie?" The little girl said, "She will be here in a minute, she ran out of gas about halfway down the block and another dog is pushing her home." *** 

School Question Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?" Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question." Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?" Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?" *** 

Hiking A father came home from a long business trip to find his young son riding a brand new bike. "Where did you get the money for that?" he asked. "It must have cost over 300 dollars!" "I earned it hiking," replied the boy. "Hiking??? Come on son; tell your Dad the truth. Nobody can make that sort of money hiking. Where did you Really get the cash from?" "It's like I say, Dad. Every night when you were gone, Mr. Goldberg from the bank would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a 20 dollar bill and tell me to take a hike"! *** 

Ghost A visiting professor at Cardiff University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands. "Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands. "That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further.....Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The redneck student replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost." The student replies, "Ghost? Damn..... From back there I thought you said 'goats'!" ***

 Lone Ranger A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." "Very good, William," cooed the teacher. "My mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher. Little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?" "It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger." *** 

Lunch There was an Irishman, a Mexican, and a blond guy, who were construction workers working on top of a building. It was lunch time and the Irishman opened his lunch pail, finding cabbage and beef. "If I get one more beef and cabbage for lunch I'm gonna jump off of this building," he says. Then the Mexican opens his lunch pail and finds a burrito. "If I get one more burrito for lunch I'm gonna jump off this building," he says. The blond man opens his lunch pail and finds a bologna sandwich. "If I get one more bologna sandwich I'm gonna jump off of this building." The next day the Irishman opened his lunch pail and found cabbage and beef, so he jumped off the building to his death. Next, the Mexican opened his lunch pail, and upon finding a burrito he jumped off as well. Finally, the blond guy opened his lunch pail and found a bologna sandwich. He too jumped off the building. The next day at their funeral the Irishman's wife said, "If only I knew that he didn't like cabbage and beef, I would surely have packed him something else." The Mexican's wife said, "If only I knew he didn't like burritos, I would have packed something else." Finally, the blonde man's wife spoke. "I don't know what his problem was. He packed his own lunch." *** 

Jealous Blond A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head. Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do it..." The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!" *** 

Mail A man was in his yard mowing the grass when his blonde neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is!" My stupid new computer keeps saying, "You've Got Mail." *** 

Teacher A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot" The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which LittleJohnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking." *** 

Birds & The Bees A father asked his 10 year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me." Confused, the father asked what was wrong "Oh dad," the boy sobbed, "when I was 6 I got the "there's no Santa" speech. At 7, I got the "there's no Easter Bunny" speech. When I was 8, you hit me with the "there's no tooth fairy" speech. IF you tell me that grown-ups don't really fuck, I'll have nothing left to live for."